HOW TO MOVE ON FROM A BREAKUP WITHOUT CLOSURE(THIS HELPED ME MOVE ON)
Finding it hard to move on from a breakup without closure? I understand because I have been in those shoes and I know exactly how it feels. Let me let you in on a bit of my story
In 2015, I started dating a man and that relationship lasted for 6 whole years. It was a long distance relationship, but we were in the same country, five years into the relationship and he needed to leave the country for school and work , generally for a better life. We sat down, had very intense discussions about the plans for the future and what each of us needed to do and everything was right, so I thought.
On the day he was supposed to travel, I wasn’t even told (story for another day), I forgave him although he traveled regardless. We continued the relationship as usual.
After a few months in a new country, he stopped calling, stopped checking up on me, stopped doing anything we used to do together. At first I complained and he said combining work and school was hectic for him, the time difference and being in a new country was not easy for him which I understand and didn’t bother him. But everything didn’t feel right because a 10 minute phone call before work starts or during break or even at night was very much achievable but he chose not to do any of those.
I complained again and I was beginning to sound like a broken record, so I stopped complaining.
One day, I randomly saw that he had posted on Facebook, I’m hardly ever on Facebook and he knows that too, I randomly got that notification and decided to see what he had posted as he barely has time to even call me anymore, so I tapped on the notification, apparently he went to a house party with a girl and from the angles of the picture and the postures of the both of them, they were dating. Then, the lady commented something in the lines of “my baby I love you forever” and then his siblings, the same siblings that were friends with me , two of them commented “couple goals” .
This was someone who never posted our picture together ever for the six years we were together.
I just sent him a message to have a good life and that was the end.
After that message, I bawled my eyes out, I cried so much because where do I even start from? For the six years we were together, he was all I ever knew, we were part of each other’s daily routine and our lives were intertwined because of how far he had come, but I had no other choice than to pick up the remaining pieces of my life and move on.
I didn’t want to hear any sad tale he had to tell in the form of a closure so I told myself that I would heal gradually and move on.
These steps I’m going to share about moving on from a breakup without closure are practical steps that helped me move on from a heart wrenching breakup as I’m not a professional in any way.
1- GRIEVE THAT RELATIONSHIP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN
A lot of people grieve in different ways, but mine was crying. I poured out so much tears daily that my sister thought I was going to drain all the water content in my body.
I just couldn’t help it, whenever our favourite song came up, a memory on snap chat or photos, something he likes to talk about or do , it just triggered me to cry and when I did, I was helping myself let go of those pains and also telling myself that it was for the best as I really gave that relationship my all.
Also , at the initial grieving stage of the relationship, I gained so much weight, because I was over eating.
2- TALK TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS / DONT BE ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS
When I first broke up with him, I was wondering if I made the wrong decisions, even while I knew it was the right one
I always surrounded myself with my 5 siblings and friends that always cussed him out and prevented me from making any contact with him.
3- GET MOVING
Start working out at the gym or do 10,000 steps daily at home. Walking helped me get a lot of my mind and also helped me lose the extra weight I had gained during the grieving stage.
Psychologists and therapists say doing some exercises helps to fight depression and other diseases of the mind.
4- WORK
At the time of this breakup, I was working and couldn’t make any mistakes that would ruin my job, so I channeled all my energy to work. In fact, I was over working myself at that point , just not thinking of the relationship. I would even take work back home and whenever I slept off, I’d continue the next morning and that helped to get my mind off the terrible breakup
5- ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO HELP YOU CUT OFF THAT EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT
I’m Christian and I asked the holy Spirit to help me get over everything both at that point and the breakups that followed after and it worked
6- JOURNAL YOUR THOUGHTS
Journaling is one underrated step to getting over a heart break. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but when I read some of the heartbreak notes I jotted down, I laughed at myself so much and I’m glad that I wrote them down.
It always feels like while putting down all the notes, your emotions are flowing out with them. I recommend it.
7- HEALING
I finally decided it was time to heal properly and let go of all the hurt and stop cussing him out and guess what, it worked.
Conclusively, a year after the break up and I had already moved on, a foreign number called me and I was surprised to see that he was the one. He said till this day he doesn’t know why I broke up with him and I just laughed and told him that he would never know.
