How to Make Friends in Our 20’s and 30’s: A Guide to Building Genuine Friendships as an Adult
Making friends was so much easier when we were younger.
You could sit beside someone in class, ask what their favorite color was, discover that you both liked the same cartoon, and suddenly you had a new best friend.Also, you could go out with your toy to play and another kid would just randomly come to play with you and voila, you have a new friend. There was no overthinking. No wondering whether you were being too forward. No checking your phone three times to see if they had replied to your message or if they had liked and commented on your posts on facebook, tiktok, instagram, twitter or sent you streaks on snapchat.
Then adulthood happened.
Suddenly, everyone is busy. Some people are working long hours. Others are building businesses, raising children, dating, getting married, moving to new cities, studying, dealing with family responsibilities, dealing with health issues or simply trying to figure out what they are doing with their lives.
And somewhere in all of that, making friends becomes surprisingly difficult.
If you have ever looked around and thought, “Where am I supposed to meet new people at this age?”, you are definitely not alone.
Learning how to make friends in our 20’s and 30’s requires a slightly different approach from making friends as a child or teenager. You have to be more intentional about it, but that doesn’t mean it has to feel forced.
The good news is that you can absolutely make meaningful friendships in your 20s and 30s. You can meet people who genuinely understand you, share your interests, support your goals and become an important part of your life.
You just have to be willing to put yourself out there.
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Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends in Our 20’s and 30’s?
Before we talk about how to make friends, let’s acknowledge why adult friendship can be difficult in the first place.
Your 20s and 30s can be incredibly transitional periods.
You might graduate from university and move away from your friends. You may get your first serious job. You might relocate to another city or country. Some friends get married while others remain single. Some have children. Others are focused on their careers.
Your lives simply stop moving at the same speed.
When you were younger, you probably saw the same people almost every day because you were placed in the same environment. School, university, church, sports teams and extracurricular activities naturally created opportunities for friendship.
As an adult, those opportunities don’t always appear naturally.
You might spend most of your day working, commute home, eat dinner, scroll through social media and go to bed. Then you repeat the same routine the next day.
You can meet hundreds of people during your lifetime and still feel lonely because you don’t actually spend enough meaningful time with any of them.
That’s why making friends as an adult often requires intentionality and even more intentionality with how woke some people have become.
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Stop Waiting for Friendship to Happen Naturally
One of the biggest mistakes we make as adults is expecting friendship to happen without putting in any effort.
We think we’ll eventually meet someone at the perfect moment and immediately click.
Sometimes that happens, but most friendships don’t develop that way.
A friendship usually starts with something very ordinary.
You meet someone at work, You start talking to someone at the gym.
You keep seeing the same person at a class.
You follow someone online because you like their content.
You sit next to someone at an event.
You discover that you both enjoy cooking.
You start having small conversations.
Then you talk again.
Then again.
Eventually, you realize you have become friends.
So instead of asking, “Where can I find my best friend?”, start asking:
“Where can I consistently meet people who have something in common with me?”
That’s a much easier question to answer.
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1. Start With Your Existing Circle
Before trying to find completely new people, look at the people already around you.
There may be potential friendships hiding in your existing network.
Think about:
- Former classmates
- Colleagues
- Neighbors
- Cousins
- Friends of friends
- People you went to school with
- People from your religious community
- Old acquaintances
- People you regularly interact with online
- People you’ve met at events
Maybe there is someone you always thought was interesting but never took the time to get to know.
Send them a message.
It doesn’t have to be complicated.
Something as simple as, “Hey, it’s been a while! How have you been?” can reopen a connection.
You don’t necessarily need 20 new friends. Sometimes you simply need to turn a few casual connections into genuine friendships.
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2. Learn to Initiate Conversations
If you want to know how to make friends in our 20’s and 30’s, this is one of the most important skills to develop.
You have to become comfortable starting conversations.
This can feel awkward at first, especially if you’re naturally shy like me.
But remember that most people aren’t walking around thinking, “I hope nobody talks to me today.”
Many adults are actually hoping for more social connection too.
Start small.
If you’re attending an event and someone is standing alone, introduce yourself.
If someone at work mentions a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, ask them about it.
If you’re taking a class and someone makes an interesting comment, continue the conversation afterward.
You don’t need a perfect opening line.
You simply need to show genuine interest.
Try questions like:
“How did you get into this?”
“Have you attended this event before?”
“What do you usually do for fun around here?”
“I’ve been looking for new places to hang out. Do you have any recommendations?”
The goal isn’t to impress the person.
The goal is to find common ground and start from there.
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3. Go Where Your Kind of People Are
If you’re constantly asking yourself where to meet friends, look at your interests.
What do you actually enjoy doing?
Maybe you love books.
Join a book club.
Maybe you’re interested in fitness.
Try group fitness classes.
Maybe you enjoy cooking.
Look for cooking classes or food communities.
Maybe you’re into photography.
Attend photography walks or workshops.
Maybe you’re interested in business.
Go to networking events.
Maybe you love traveling.
Join travel communities or group trips.
Maybe you simply want people to hang out with on weekends.
Look for social events in your city.
The important thing is to choose environments where people naturally have something in common.
Friendship becomes easier when you already share an interest.
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4. Try Hobbies That Involve Other People
Adult life can become very isolated when all your hobbies are things you do alone.
There’s nothing wrong with watching Netflix, reading alone or scrolling through TikTok. But if you’re trying to make friends, you need activities that put you around other people.
Try:
- Dance classes
- Book clubs
- Art classes
- Cooking classes
- Fitness groups
- Running clubs
- Hiking groups
- Language classes
- Photography groups
- Volunteering
- Board-game nights
- Creative workshops
- Community events
- Professional networking events
Don’t choose something simply because you think it will help you make friends.
Choose something you would actually enjoy doing.
That way, even if you don’t immediately make a friend, you’ve still spent your time doing something you like.
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5. Don’t Underestimate Your Workplace
For many adults, work is one of the easiest places to form friendships because you’re already spending a significant amount of time around the same people.
You don’t have to become best friends with everyone at work.
Start with simple interactions.
Ask a colleague if they want to grab lunch.
Invite someone for coffee.
Talk about things beyond work.
If someone mentions that they’re going to a particular restaurant or event, ask whether they’ve been before.
You may eventually discover that you have plenty in common.
However, it’s also important to maintain boundaries.
Not every friendly colleague needs to become a close friend, and you don’t have to share every personal detail with people you work with.
Build trust gradually.
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6. Use Social Media Intentionally
Social media can be surprisingly useful for making friends, especially if you live in a new city or have interests that aren’t common within your immediate circle.
But there’s a difference between following someone and actually building a friendship.
If you regularly interact with someone online and genuinely enjoy their content, you can start a conversation.
Maybe you both love beauty, food, travel, books, fashion, fitness or business.
Instead of sending a random “Hi”, start with something specific.
For example:
“I’ve been wanting to visit that restaurant too. Was the food actually good?”
Or:
“I love your book recommendations. What would you recommend for someone who enjoys thrillers?”
A real conversation is much easier to start when there is context.
Social media can introduce you to people you would never have met otherwise, but don’t rush the relationship.
Get to know people gradually and use good judgment about what personal information you share.
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7. Become a Regular Somewhere
This is one of my favorite ways to make friends as an adult.
Become a regular.
Visit the same coffee shop.
Attend the same fitness class.
Go to the same church or community group.
Visit the same library.
Attend the same weekly event.
When people repeatedly see you, familiarity develops.
The first conversation might only be a greeting.
The next week, you might have a five-minute conversation.
A few weeks later, you’re asking each other about your weekend.
Eventually, one of you might suggest hanging out outside that environment.
Friendship often develops through repeated exposure.
You don’t always need to make a dramatic first impression.
Sometimes you simply need to keep showing up.
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8. Say Yes More Often To Invitations That Resonates With You
If you constantly decline invitations, people may eventually stop inviting you.
I’m not saying you should attend everything you’re invited to.
You don’t have to go somewhere you’re uncomfortable with, and you shouldn’t abandon your boundaries just to have friends.
But if you genuinely want to build a social life, you may need to say yes more often.
Someone invites you to dinner?
Go.
A colleague asks if you want to join them for lunch?
Go.
Your friend invites you to a small gathering where you won’t know everyone?
Consider going.
You may not meet your new best friend every time.
But every social experience gives you another opportunity to connect with people.
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9. Don’t Be Afraid to Invite Someone First
This is where many adult friendships get stuck.
Two people like each other.
They enjoy talking.
They would probably become good friends.
But neither person wants to make the first move.
Don’t wait forever.
If you’ve enjoyed talking to someone, invite them somewhere.
You could say:
“I’m thinking of checking out this new restaurant this weekend. Would you like to come?”
Or:
“We should grab coffee sometime. Are you free next week?”
Keep it casual.
You’re not proposing marriage.
You’re asking someone to spend time with you.
If they say no, it doesn’t automatically mean they dislike you. They may genuinely be busy.
You can try again another time.
But if they repeatedly decline without suggesting another time, take the hint and don’t force it.
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10. Be Patient With New Friendships, People Were Raised Differently
One of the reasons adult friendships can feel disappointing is that we sometimes expect them to develop too quickly.
You meet someone once and immediately expect the friendship to feel deep.
Real friendship takes time.
You have to learn someone’s personality.
You need to discover whether they are trustworthy.
You need to experience how they behave when they’re stressed, happy, disappointed or successful.
You need shared experiences.
You need conversations.
You need consistency.
Don’t rush the process.
A person doesn’t have to become your best friend after the first conversation.
Let the relationship grow naturally.
11. Be Yourself
This sounds cliché, but it matters.
When we’re lonely, we can become tempted to present the version of ourselves we think other people will like.
We agree with everything.
We pretend to enjoy things we don’t.
We hide our personalities.
We try too hard to appear interesting.
But friendships built on pretending are exhausting.
You want people who like you for who you actually are.
That doesn’t mean you should tell a stranger your entire life story within five minutes.
It simply means you don’t have to perform.
Be friendly.
Be curious.
Be honest.
Laugh.
Ask questions.
Share your opinions.
Let people gradually see the real you.
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12. Don’t Take Rejection Personally
Not every person you meet will become your friend.
And that’s okay.
Sometimes you’ll reach out and the person won’t respond.
Sometimes you’ll invite someone somewhere and they’ll say no.
Sometimes you’ll realize that you have absolutely nothing in common.
Sometimes you’ll become friends with someone and eventually grow apart.
None of this means there is something wrong with you.
Friendship involves compatibility.
You wouldn’t expect to date every person you’re attracted to, so don’t expect to become friends with every person you meet.
Keep meeting people.
Eventually, you’ll find your people.
13. Make Time for Friendship
One of the harsh realities of adulthood is that friendships require time.
You can’t complain that you never see your friends while repeatedly cancelling plans.
If someone matters to you, make room for them.
It doesn’t have to mean spending an entire day together.
A 30-minute phone call can matter.
A quick lunch can matter.
A Sunday walk can matter.
Sending a message can matter.
Checking in when you know someone has an important event can matter.
Friendship isn’t always about huge gestures.
Consistency matters more.
14. Don’t Only Look for Friends Who Are Exactly Like You
It’s natural to gravitate toward people who look, think and live like us.
Shared interests definitely help.
But you don’t have to find someone who is your exact twin personality.
You might be an introvert who becomes friends with an outgoing person.
You might be single while your friend is married.
You might work in technology while your friend works in fashion.
You might be from completely different backgrounds.
As long as there is mutual respect and genuine connection, differences can actually make a friendship more interesting.
15. Make Friends Outside of Dating
When you’re single in your 20s or 30s, it’s easy for your social life to revolve entirely around dating.
You meet people through dating apps.
You go on dates.
You talk about relationships.
You spend your weekends with romantic partners.
There’s nothing wrong with dating.
But romantic relationships shouldn’t be your only source of companionship.
Build friendships that exist independently of your dating life.
Your friends can give you companionship, perspective, laughter and support that are different from what you receive from a romantic partner.
Having a healthy friendship circle can also prevent you from feeling like you have to stay in an unhealthy relationship simply because you’re afraid of being alone.
16. What If You’re Shy?
Being shy doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making friends.
You may simply need to take smaller steps.
Instead of attending a huge networking event, start with a smaller group.
Instead of trying to talk to ten people, talk to one.
Instead of forcing yourself to become the loudest person in the room, focus on being approachable.
Smile.
Make eye contact.
Say hello.
Ask questions.
Listen.
You don’t need an enormous personality to make friends.
Some of the best friendships are built through quiet, meaningful conversations.
17. What If You Work From Home?
Remote work has made adult friendship even more complicated for some people.
You don’t get those casual conversations that happen naturally in an office.
If you’re working from home, create social opportunities deliberately.
Work from a café occasionally if you enjoy it.
Join professional communities.
Attend conferences.
Take classes.
Join local hobby groups.
Schedule lunch with friends.
Attend networking events.
Even if you’re busy, try to have at least a few social interactions during your week.
18. What If You Moved to a New City?
Moving to a new city can feel incredibly lonely.
You may have a job, an apartment and everything you need, yet still feel like you’re starting from zero.
Give yourself time.
Explore your new city.
Find places you enjoy.
Attend local events.
Try restaurants and cafés.
Join groups.
Talk to people.
Become a regular somewhere.
Don’t expect yourself to have a full social circle within one month.
You’re building a new life from scratch.
That’s going to take time.
19. How to Make Friends When Everyone Seems Busy
This is probably one of the biggest challenges in your 30s.
Everyone has responsibilities.
Instead of always asking for huge blocks of free time, make friendship easier.
Meet for breakfast before work.
Have lunch together.
Go for a short walk.
Run errands together.
Have a quick coffee.
Cook dinner together.
Send voice notes.
Schedule plans in advance.
You don’t always need an elaborate girls’ trip to maintain a friendship.
Sometimes friendship is simply saying, “I’m free for one hour on Saturday. Want to grab coffee?”
20. Be the Friend You Want to Have
If you want loyal friends, practice loyalty.
If you want people who check on you, check on them.
If you want people who celebrate your wins, celebrate theirs.
If you want honest conversations, be honest.
If you want people who remember important things about your life, pay attention when they talk.
Friendship is reciprocal.
You shouldn’t be the only person putting in effort, but you also can’t expect people to constantly give what you’re unwilling to give.
21. Know the Difference Between Friendship and Convenience
Not everyone who spends time with you is your friend.
Sometimes you’re simply coworkers.
Sometimes you’re neighbors.
Sometimes you’re party friends.
Sometimes you’re friends because your children attend the same school.
That’s perfectly fine.
Not every relationship needs to become deeply personal.
A healthy adult social life can contain different levels of friendship.
You might have one or two very close friends, several casual friends and many friendly acquaintances.
That’s normal.
22. Don’t Chase People Who Don’t Reciprocate
There is a difference between being intentional and chasing someone.
If you’re always the one initiating conversations, making plans, checking in and trying to maintain the friendship, eventually you may need to step back.
Friendship should have some level of reciprocity.
You deserve relationships where your presence is wanted.
Don’t spend months trying to convince someone to become your friend.
There are plenty of people in the world who would genuinely appreciate having you in their lives.
23. Build a Social Life, Not Just a Friend List
This is an important distinction.
The goal isn’t to collect friends.
The goal is to build a life where meaningful social connections can naturally exist.
Create routines that involve people.
Attend events.
Try hobbies.
Travel.
Join communities.
Invite people over.
Celebrate birthdays.
Go for walks.
Have conversations.
Do things.
When your life has more social opportunities, meeting friends becomes much easier.
24. What About Making Friends After 30?
Making friends after 30 isn’t impossible.
It simply requires more intention.
By your 30s, you probably know yourself better than you did at 20.
You may understand your boundaries.
You may know what kind of people you enjoy being around.
You may also have less patience for drama.
That’s actually an advantage.
You don’t need to be friends with everyone.
You can focus on quality over quantity.
Look for people who are emotionally mature, respectful, dependable and genuinely compatible with your lifestyle.
And don’t assume everyone already has their friend group figured out.
Many people in their 30s are also looking for new friends.
Some are rebuilding their social lives after moving.
Some have outgrown old friendships.
Some have gone through breakups or divorces.
Some have lost touch with university friends.
Some simply realized that their social circle isn’t as fulfilling as it used to be.
You’re not late.
25. Give Yourself Permission to Start Again
Perhaps this is the most important thing to remember.
You can start over socially at any age.
You can move to a new city and make friends.
You can lose a friendship and build another.
You can realize that your old social circle no longer fits you.
You can decide that you want deeper relationships.
You can become more social even if you’ve always been shy.
You can walk into a room where you know nobody and introduce yourself.
There is no deadline for friendship.
You haven’t missed your chance.
Final Thoughts on How to Make Friends in Our 20’s and 30’s
Learning how to make friends in our 20’s and 30’s isn’t really about finding a magical place where all your future best friends are waiting, put yourself in situations where connection is possible.
Talk to people.
Join communities.
Try new hobbies.
Become a regular somewhere.
Reach out to old acquaintances.
Use social media intentionally.
Say yes occasionally.
Invite people out.
And most importantly, give new relationships enough time to develop.
Adult friendship can feel awkward because nobody is forcing us to interact anymore. We have to make the first move. We have to create opportunities. We have to follow up.
But that effort is worth it.
You don’t need 50 friends.
You don’t even need 10.
Sometimes having two or three people you can genuinely laugh with, talk to, call when life gets difficult and celebrate with is more valuable than having hundreds of followers online.
So if you’ve been sitting at home wondering where all the friends went, don’t assume that your social life is over.
Maybe you’re simply entering a stage of life where friendship requires more intention.
Get dressed.
Leave the house.
Go somewhere you enjoy.
Talk to someone.
Ask a question.
Accept an invitation.
Send the message.
And if you meet someone you genuinely like, don’t be afraid to say, “We should hang out sometime.”
They might be wondering the exact same thing.
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